John Park impressed Shania with his bottom end

It was a nice touch at the beginning, having a bunch of people cuss and get bleeped and then saying “Welcome to Chicago”. The show was only an hour long, so I watched it twice and fast forwarded through the more obnoxious parts. Actually, the show wasn’t mean at all. After they opened with “Welcome to Chicago – fuck you,” I expected it to be meaner.

The Good-

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Shania Twain

Guest judge Shania Twain was on point, even when she was getting herself in trouble by mentioning body parts when she was trying to list the good qualities of …


John Park seems to have a little polish (Shania said he has a good head), he has a very good low range (Shania said bottom end), and somewhere in there he has a nice face and good lips (Shania said that, not me. He’s not my type). He has a good shot at making the final 12.

Angela, the girl who made it to Hollywood twice before, made it to the top 50 last season but had to drop out.

Simon said no to Paige, the girl who almost died from an asthma atttack, but I don’t care. She has some Janis Joplin in her voice that might show up more when she gets to sing with a band. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her go deep in the competition, but Simon doesn’t like to be wrong. She has to sell him quickly, or he’ll dump her out like a warm soda in a recyclable can.

The OK-

Katelyn, the kid who’s parents are getting a divorce, is probably fodder for Hollywood week. She is way too vibrato, like she sits on a dryer when she sings. I kinda think that the judges gave her a pass because of her backstory.

Charity, the 16 year old who lives in a styling salon, has a nice voice and she phrases well. She’s only 16, though, and her voice isn’t very ballsy. Maybe she can come back in a few years and try it again with more experience. She looks like Mindy McCready, except her nose doesn’t touch her upper lip.


The Bad-

Well … Tiny Tim, meet full metal jacket … Did they shoot Dolly girl up with thorazine? … I thought Cleveland Junior was a cartoon character.

The (not so) Bad-

Amy, the girl who did the boob thing, wasn’t that bad of a singer and she was genuinely funny. Look for her on the standup comedy circuit … I would have sent Harold, the flashy guy who held the note for about half of a minute, to Hollywood. He must have done something off camera that put the judges off. He was probably the best singer that I’ve ever seen who failed his audition.

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